Tell Me

"You know, you're different than most girls. You don't care about makeup and guys all that mush. But you're still... passionate, you know? You still care about the important things, the things that mean something to you. You might not care that you're not like everyone else, but something's gotta bother you. You're human. It's not possible to be chill all the time. I know you got more to you than you let me see, but that's okay.When the time is right, I just know you'll hand me over the key. But it's alright waiting. Waiting is nice. Always something to look forard to." ~ from my own book I've been writing lately

Go?

This has been the Big Question lately. Should I stay or should I go? Europe? Nada? Or yes? It's so far away from everyone I love, and lets just say that I get severely homesick. But hey, it's Europe, and a once in a lifetime oppritunity, right?
...Right?Last night I had a dream that I was walking through the pebble streets just staring at everything. It was even better than I imagined. What I do is imagine the worst usually, and that's a bad thing to do. Sometimes I'm worried that Europe won't be as amazing as I thought it would be. But let me tell you: this dream was amazing. God, wish I was there.
But should I really go?That's the question of the day for me.Stay?
Or go?
Me: No clue.

Music

This picture is the kind of thing I'd dream about. I love it.

I like music that's achingly beautiful and rock music. Any suggestions? (P.S. I am a Led Zeppelin, Cranberries, and Green Day fan, in case you haven't noticed already.) My hands ride across the keys, my mind accelerating, lips formed into a perfectly curled smile. Writing is love.

Candy Necklaces

Which do you think is better?

A. Traditional high school experience. Football games. Prom and a cute guy. SCHOOL SPIRIT!!! Happy-go-lucky.

or

B. Do what you want.

I guess I'm kinda in denial. I don't know. Something inside me says, "Just do what everyone else is doing. Go to prom. Participate during school spirit weeks. You'll never get it back."

But another voice inside my head, one a bit quieter is saying, "You're better off doing what your comfortable doing. Show the world just how much you're willing to stay true to yourself. Scare people."

It's just...

which one is right?

In Your Dreams

So lift up my chin

and streak my face with red,

then ask me what's said

and what's never said.

My life lies

behind

blue eyes.

Catch me

in your dreams.

Uber

I'm sorry. I'm hardcore about my music choice most of the year. I don't really need to listen to the new music all the time. I mean, I still like some of it, but it's just a lot more incredible to me to find some old 90's grunge song that's completely AMAZING. It's like digging for treasure, just on You Tube. But, when that certain time of the year starts creeping into my bones and tugging at my love strings, I have to listen to some Christmas music. No questions asked.
It's funny, 'cause a couple years ago I used to hate those people that start listening to Christmas music in freaking November. Ughhhh. I just didn't want anything to do with it. Christmas music can wait till, um, December 24 for me. But now here I am, listening to Carol of the Bells as I speak, on November 17, before Thanksgiving has even come yet. I guess I'm a hypocret (did I spell that right???).
So I actually started to secretly like it around two years ago at this time. We have this radio that only played one station, and at the time, it was Christmas music. Oh, goodie. Here we go.
Well, come to find out, I'm a sucker for anything Christmas-y that's on the radio. Forget Green Day! I want Frosty the Snowman!
There's just something about Christmas music that makes me almost a little lump-in-my-throat emotional. It's pretty embarassing. I have my reasons, though; a lot has happened to me during Christmas time, all good stuff, but it makes me teary-eyed. I dunno why.
My all-time favorite Christmas song is the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's version of Carol of the Bells. Love it.
You know, I should really just delete all this. But I won't.

Minority

There's this tree near my house. It's a twig, basically, barely the size of a branch, and it's bright yellow-orange, the color of orange juice. The funny thing about it is that all the other trees around this one colorful one are dull and their leaves are gone. But this one just doesn't wanna let go.

I don't know. There's just something... I dunno, rebellious?, about this tree. The way all the leaves are still intact, while everything else is huddled close and shut up for the winter. This is what I think: If everyone did as they were told, did what was accepted, then we'd all be living in winter for the rest of our lives.

"A face in the crowd unsung, against the mold, without a doubt, singled out the only way I know." "Marching out of time to my own beat now, the only way I know." ""One light, one mind flashing in the dark, blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts."

Saddest Picture of the Century

I read that somewhere. It said "Saddest Picture of the Century", and above that advertisement was a man who had dark hair and dark, but warm eyes and an achingly kind smile spread across his face. A shark tooth necklace hung around his neck, and he was unshaven. Something about this picture sent a tremor through me. He just made me so happy inside, and I immediately got this good feeling about him. But why "saddest"? Of course I didn't want to know. I don't want to ruin the picture with some ugly and raw past about this man. But really, what is sadness?

Is it a painful smile spread across your face through a bad time?

Or is it the sharp movements of someone hurrying through a crowd?

Maybe it's not even that.

Maybe it's just us thinking.

Drooping Leaves

{I don't care about impressing you. Let me be.} Today an artist told me I have natural talent. "Your work is tenative", he said. "You're going to be an artist someday, you know that, right?" I nodded. "You're going to be an artist for the rest of your life." Whenever he said this to me again, I couldn't help but feel sick to my stomach. But in a good way. Because when he says it, I know he's not lying. He doesn't give out compliments for nothing. "You're not here to make pretty pictures all the time", he said, "You're here to learn from your mistakes. Be crazy, because it's the crazy people that make a difference."

Outside the Lines

I'd like to be many girls that I'm not. The girl with the bright personality, the boldness, or the sincere kindness. Or maybe the girl who's daring and not afraid of anything.
But you can't be all of them, though...

...Or can you?

I didn't know the answer to this a couple years ago when I started to wonder about this. To me, at the time, it was either this or that, black and white. Now, though, I understand that people are sometimes a little gray here and there. It's okay to go outside the lines. So, my answer is this: YEAH! You can be all those girls. Every one of us is. Now my soul will rest in peace.