The Happy List

1. Accept that you're angry/sad, and you deserve to be angry/sad.
2. Kick something till you giggle.
3. Scream into your pillow until you can feel the heat in your cheeks and you need to take in a deep breath.
4. Splash water onto your face.
5. Draw a scary picture and make it into something hilarious.
6. Tear said picture into shreds if desired. Then step on it.
7. Read one of your favorite childhood books aloud, in a happy voice that your parents would use.
8. Blast crazy music and jump on your bed.
9. Think over the bad things that happened to you, and then think about how much worse it could have been.
10. Eat a banana, because someone I know once told me that bananas are supposed to relax you.
11. Wear something outrageous and walk around your front yard like that.
12. Look up Good Riddance lyrics. Read (or sing) them aloud to the actual song until you get the meaning of it.
13. Save a spider.
14. Eat chocolate.
15. Find a picture of your enemy, and bury it.
16. Call your grandparents to just talk.
17. Watch Elf. Need I say more?
18. Understand that someone else has probably experienced the same thing your going through right now. Cute, right? The frog?

I'm Scared

I never want the things I've worked so hard for and the things I love to ever leave me. It's a scary thing, knowing that fate is out of your reach, and there's nothing you can ever do about it. But I'll cross my fingers, bite my lip, and close my eyes, hoping the universe knows what it's doing.

...

Wicked Awesome Vacation Lists

Some things I loved about my vacation:
1. Trying blueberry soda (as well as strawberry). So good!
2. Having a private beach right near my hotel
3. I'm obsessed with organic stuff. You wouldn't believe how extreme I am about it (for example, I refuse to drink regular milk, because it isn't organic). Anyway, the bathroom in our room was stocked with ORGANIC soap and body gel. Yeeeee!
4. Eating lunch at a sandwich and coffee shop almost every day. Yum!
5. Being in a jewelry shop in town, where I made two necklaces for myself, and one for my grandma
6. Riding bikes around town to get to places
7. Trying clam strips for the first time (yes, I'm going to be a Sophomore, and I've never tried clam strips before this. See, I told you I'm hardcore about organic things)
8. I'm in love with the sandals I bought, I wish I could show you
9. Not having to straighten my hair! It wasn't as bad as I thought overall.
10. Appreciating how much I love my own room at home! My space is mine:)
Aaaannnd... that's it.

Gift Shops and Cemetaries

In a way, the beach is both a gift shop and a cemetary.
Everyday things are picked up by children and brought home to put on her bookshelf or his nightstand.
Everyday, a clam or maybe a small snail dies.
When you think about it enough, it's pretty morbid.
Bringing home with you, the skeleton of something once living.
Something we all consider beautiful.

And while doing this, I can't help but mutter, "Rest in peace".

You Can Change a lot More Than You Think in a Year

I was looking through my little brother's year book, looking at all those pictures of middle school girls. I guess I've changed a lot more than I thought since I left.
It's crazy how some girls try so hard to fit in with everyone else. It's crazy how much drama is in their lives. Cliques, boys, clothes... It makes me wonder...

I guess we just don't think about all that jazz in high school like we used to.

I love the picture above, by the way. It remindes me of the new Alice in Wonderland. I love the clock and the vintage dress.

It's the last day of school, too. It's all over. I don't know if I should shriek in glee, or cry. I'll stick with the screaming one:)

Missing Rhinestones

Take me to my haven
My haven
My haven
Where everyone is blurred around the edges
And sweet
And flawed
Like a crack in an old mirror
Or sea glass or maybe a brooch missing its rhinestones.

Take me to my haven
My haven
My haven
Where everyone's got a story to tell
Through a grinning mouth of cutely crooked teeth
With their eyes lit up
The whole time.

Take me to my haven
My haven
My haven
Where imperfections are gifts and oppritunities
And your great grandmother's clothes are the choice of dress.
Where sweet children are innocent
And lick great lollypops on long wooden sticks
And don't know everything out there.

Take me to my haven
My haven
My sweet distant haven.
Where animals are equal and can tell you secrets.

Take me to my haven
My haven
My haven
Where I'll get there curled up and floating away.

Pack Up and Go

I have exactly three and a half days left of school. I've been just trying to hold on, trying to study, trying to clean everything out.
I can't wait to get out of school, but in a way, I'm going to miss what I've gone through this year. At the begining of the year, I wanted to be preppy and grow my bangs out to my cheek. My top Christmas wish was to get Uggs (which I did). During late fall and winter, all I did was listen to Green Day every day and mope around the house. In the winter, I wanted to be punk. In the early year, I loved my shoulder length hair that was always so silky soft and shiny, as well as Hayley Williams-ish. Now, I somewhat like my curly hair. Punk and vintage is cool to me. I want Vans next year. I am obsessed with Grunge music. I love Celtic necklaces and owl necklaces. I've changed so much this year. Who am I, really?...
Top things I'll miss from each of the following classes:
Art: the two Seniors a table over from me that always have something funny to say, listening to other people's gossip, while I paint :)
English: this is wierd, the the click-clacking of my teacher's heeled shoes
French: my teacher in general, she's so nice!
History: the fact that whenever we're doing our work, our teacher blasts awesome punk/ grunge music
Gym: hm, not much, but if I AM being positive, I'd have to say walking down in the field where the baseball field is
Math: the smell of the classroom. it always smells like fresh-cut grass and clean cotton
Science: whenever my teacher gets into one of his "Well, scientifically speaking..." discussions
Besides me complaining, it's been a good year. Somewhat.
I love this picture, by the way...

I love all the owls in this picture (my favorite one is the one with the yellow book)! So vintage, so me...

Mad Scientist

I know this is my second time posting today, but something came up that I just had to share. I was about to go onto Sarah Dessen's website, when I see this pop up on MSN:
Clean oil-soaked birds, or kill them? One scientist argues putting the birds "out of their misery."
Are you seriously, seriously kidding me? This German scientist thinks these poor creatures should just die, instead of get cleaned with a little Dawn? WHAT!!!? Who is this guy? So should I dump some oil on him, and then just say Okay, lets kill you now.
"He doesn't look a thing like Jesus..."
Well, after seeing that, I simply turned the laptop off, and cried. So I told my mom about it, and she said I could donate money to the Gulf of Mexico to clean the birds. She looked up a charity to donate to. I'll post the link sometime tomorrow.
What do you think? Should the birds just die?
"The innocent will never last..."...NOT!

Dream House

You know when you're just doing something, and this idea pops into your head, and you can't resist writing it down? Well, now this is one of those times for me. I was washing my hands, looking at my curly head in the mirror, thinking, gee, what would my hair look like if I lived by the ocean? *Shudders* I don't want to know, and neither do you. Trust me. Then that got me to thinking about how much I love the ocean.

Q: Would you give up straight hair forever to live by the ocean?

A: Yes.

Every year we go up to Maine at least once to have lunch at the beach and swim and stuff like that. And I seriously could live there. I love the feeling of the grainy sand crunching against my toes, the smell of seaweed, the heavy gust of wind that wash over your arms and legs, the seagulls that can be naggy, but in a goo way. I love not caring about my hair, or makeup, or anything like that. I've made up my mind. That's where I want to live. Period. I know the town like the back of my hand, and if I squeeze my eyes shut tight enough, I can see the lighthouse and the rocks my little brother and I love to climb on. I'll be there soon...real soon. "Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go..."

So, if I ever do live there, here are the requirements of my house (I expect a lot more than I should, but that's okay. I'm fine with being a dreamer)

1. It needs to be on the ocean (like I can see it outside my bedroom window)

2. I would like a big bay window, or just a huge window, in my room, which will be lilac-colored

3. My office (for writing my novels) will be a warm yellow, and I'll have a huge window in there, too. One wall will be painted black, the kind of paint that you can write on like a chalkboard. How cool is that??? I will write my story ideas down on that wall, and erase them when I please :)

4. My driveway will be made of violet and white seashells (you can really have that, my great aunt did)

5. All the doorknobs in the house will be the glass kind

6. Endless black tea boxes and salt-water taffy (maybe the taffy) in the kitchen for me!!! Yay :)

Well, those are all the musts. So far.

Move, Move, MOVE

That's what I keep telling myself. But I just cannot move. I stare down at my tiny legs, and say to myself, Just get up. Move. Move. MOVE. But I can't.
I haven't always been like this. I used to crave the burning feeling I got in my legs running or pushing myself up a steep hill on my bike. And I still do. I just can't.
It's not that easy to explain, simply spelled out. My mom says it's normal, my brother says it's lazy. But I think it's something else.
Everywhere I go, I feel as if the ground is trying to suck me into the gravel and devower (I didn't spell that right) me whole on the spot. I feel gray. But gray isn't always the same for all people. So I'll tell you what "gray" is to me. It's tired. I'm always tired, as if just keeping my eyes open is too much. I want to get better. I really do.
I blame it on school. I hate school. But I know I'll miss it. Why does that always happen to me?
Sorry for this post. I'm confused now.

Who are you?

I'm guessing that's what you're wondering. Well, I'll tell you who I am. "On my own, here we go"...

Q: Who are you?
A: 1. My internet name is Jade. I chose this because it was the second option my mom would've named me.
2. I'm fifteen years old. Some say I'm an old soul from another land. And sometimes, I believe them.
3. I have very wild curly hair that I'm always trying to straighten and keep smooth, but somewhere, my hair always seems to curl again.
4. Purple is my favorite color.
5.My favorite bands are Green Day, Nirvana, The Smashing Pumpkins, The Cranberries, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, No Doubt, Lady Gaga, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, and Heart. I love radio 92.9 and 100.1 to pieces. The rest (most of it) is junk.
5. I'm always trying to figure out who I am.
6. I'm always analyzing.
7. I love black tea.
8. I love where I live, all the windy roads and trees.
9. I love to write, paint, and draw.
10. I hate school. Don't get me wrong, I love to learn. It's the school atmosphere I don't like. I feel like a prisoner there. *Sighs* When, summer, when are you coming back?
So, that's one little piece to my puzzle.