Fighting for Life

I was looking through Hope Was Here today, just flipping through it, when I found this on the first page I started reading:
"A man shouts from across the room. 'G.T., how are you going to handle the stress of campaigning and being mayor if you're fighting for your life?'
G.T. leans against the dessert case across from the register. 'Because I'm more interested in living than in dying. And I want to bring as much healthy change into this town as I can before I go. I'm a short-order cook, Morgan. I always do more than one thing at a time.'"
~ from Hope Was Here by Joan Bauer, p. 37-38
...How inspiring is that?

Dandelion Dreams

Kiss her g'night,
Tuck her in,
Leave the door open a crack
The way you know she likes it.
Shake your head,
Wonder why
The seeds shall fly
Shall fly away.
To distant lands.

We rock the coast
And pass it by,
While deep deep down
You wonder why
The seeds shall fly
Shall fly away.
To this distant land.

Coloring
On our walls
With a look of glee
And then a shriek.
Kids, you mumble,
Even though
You wonder why
The seeds shall fly
Shall fly away.
Away.

Painting makeup
On her face,
You instruct her
To sit a bit still,
Even through the butterflies.
She used to hate him
And now it's different;
She's got new eyes,
Some vivid eyes.
You now know why
The seeds shall fly
Shall fly away.

Now it's different
The tides have changed
She kisses you g'night
Just like she's been smiled at
All those times
So long ago.
Mama, she's saying
Please don't leave me.
Don't let me go.
But I know.
The seeds shall fly
Shall fly away.

The tides have changed,
The wind stronger some,
But I now know
I'll stay planted
Here forever
Even though
The ground's swept
From below us.

Among the Smiling Spiders

Relentless taunting in my ears,
A sheen of sweat across my face,
Spiders waltzing on the walls
In a dress of dusty lace.

"Will you ever learn?",
One with heavy eyes asks. "Such a waste."
And then she saunters off
In a dress of dusty lace.

My eyes whirl around like a spiral slurpee
And my fingers fall across fate, a damp ace,
Peering up at me from below, a sly smiling spider
In a dress of dusty lace.

Jaded rhinestones bounce off the
Chipped up window sills lacking grace
Lining up among the spiders
In their dress of dusty lace.

Liquid eyes line up in my face and say,
"Live it as it is, and quit that restless pace."
And then in a puff of sparkly smoke, she's gone
In a dress of dusty lace.

School. Hectic.
Sleep. Nightmares.
Homework. ...
Even though hectic, I'm still moving
moving on.
Sorry for being such a slacker with the blogging.
Shame. Shame on me :)

There is a Reason for This, You Know

Flaxen hair blown out in the breeze
It is time for the geese to head south
I have come with my mustard seed
I cannot accept that she will be taken from me.

"Do you know who I am", she said
"I am the one who taps you on the shoulder when it's your time
Don't be afraid I promise that she will awake
Tomorrow somewhere
Tomorrow somewhere."

Wrap yourself around
The tree of life and the dance of the infinity
Of the hive
Take this message to Michael.

I will comb myself into chains
In between the tap dance clan
And your ballerina gang
I have come for the beekeeper
I know you want my
You want my queen
Anything but this
Can you use me instead?

In your gown with your breathing mask
Plugged into a heart machine
As if you ever needed one
I must see the beekeeper I must see if she'll keep her alive
Call engine 49 I have come with my mustard seed.

"Maybe I'm passing you by
Just passing you by girl
I'm passing you by
On my way
On my way.
I'm just passing you by
But don't be confused
One day I'll be coming for you...
I must see the beekeeper
I must see the beekeeper.
- The Beekeeper, Tori Amos

These lyrics are what have made up my childhood, I guess. They've kept me sane through all my worries. That's the great thing about songs. They teach you life lessons around stories. Sometimes, I think they can be even better than books. In the rain, I hum these same words to myself, and lull myself to sleep.

Bit-O-Honey

People think they can tell me what to do. How to dress. What to look like. What I should look like. What kind of job I should get. When to get my drivers permit. When to dream the impossible or not, and drop down to reality once more. When they can finally read my story.

But here's the thing: They can't. Only I can.

"Tell my mother, tell my father, I did the best I can to make them realize this is my life; I hope they understand."

I need to move at my own pace, at my own clockwork. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. It's just that you're putting me under so much pressure, and you don't even realize it. Let me open each door in my life at the time that's right not for you, but for me.

A word is dead

When it is said,

Some say.
I say it just

Begins to live

That day.

-Emily Dickinson