Monday, July 19, 2010

21st Century Breakdown

Guess what? The title of this post actually doesn't apply to me for once. But yesterday it did.
I'm just so overwhelmed lately about everything. Life, death, wasting time, family, living in the moment, my self-esteem that I'm trying to keep up with. Sometimes, it feels like there's nowhere to run. I just want to pull the plug on my thoughts, which are going at warped speed, and say "Just shut up, keep quiet, and look around you." Some days, though, I don't have that strength to pull myself out of it.
That's where yesterday comes in.
I was just... sobbing into my pillow about nothing in particular. I mean, everything was going great. Blue skies, cookout later, nice and breezy out, and I wasn't grounded or anything. It all happened so fast. One minute I was sitting at the island with my mom while she made coffee cake for the party, and then before I knew it I felt like my brain was caving in. So when I was in my room, crying about how messed up I was, someone tapped at my door. It was my dad. He told me through the door that he was going to Home Depot, and asked if I wanted to come. At first I said no, I just wanted to be left alone. But then he said, "C'mon. I know how you're feeling; we're very similar that way." He paused. "I'll give you a few minutes to get ready." And then he left me to think. The way he said it made me finally get up, splash water onto my face, and get up.
So we went to Home Depot to get some things for the yard, and then to the flower shop for some rose bushes. He offered to get me a Coolada. It was just a silent trip, with the few occasional conversations. Even though I get mad at him, my dad makes me feel peaceful. It's really wierd, and so surreal.
The cookout was good, and I went swimming with my brother in my grandma's lake behind her house. The water was so warm, the air cool and breezy. It was nice. Then I dried off laying down on a lawn chair, listening to the water and the trees blow around in the wind. Now I've just been in a good mood since then. Reality checks are good every once in awhile. I love this quote, and I think about it whenever I'm about to do something hard. "Life begins when you've reached the end of your comfort zone." I agree sometimes
I was looking at websites for school clothes, and I found these cute jeans that I adore. I first saw them back in April, and everytime my mom and I would go to the Gap, I'd just stare at those jeans. I love them so much, and you can look at them here:
Also more cute clothes that I want:
Here's a picture that makes me happy.
This picture is exactly what I love about summer. If only I could be the one lying there forever...


  1. I love your writing, keep it up. (:

  2. I agree, Aero has gone so tacky. Like everyone owns the same tee shirt with the glittery wings on the back and it's like, It's not even cute! People only buy things from there because it says Aeropostle acrossed it or they can say that's where they got it. If I don't love, love, love it, then I'm not buying it! (:

  3. Awe I love love loved this. and I know how you feel. I always cry for no reason.Its quiet weird isn't it? Lots of endless love <3

  4. Hey i think your blog is awesome I am looking forward to seeing what else you will post

  5. xoxo, Hannah- thanks!

    Talia- thanks:) yeah, it's very wierd

    Sam- thanx:) i'll look at ur blog too