Thursday, October 28, 2010


Sometimes I look in the mirror and just shock myself. I wonder who is that girl looking back at me? Sometimes I disgust myself, other times I don't . It all depends on what day you ask me. It shocks me to see the changes in my face, the sharpness of my cheekbones that I don't remember being there a year or two ago. Or the fact that every winter, my freckles fade more and more, and now I have to squint to really see them. I'm changing. And I'm not sure if I'm okay with it.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Spiked Adrenaline

There's something so chilling and exciting about being thirty feet up in the air, my sneakers pressed up against only the wild breezes that creep through your bones. Maybe it's because the only warmth and comfort is the person to your side, and you finally have an excuse to just hide in their shoulder. Or maybe it's the wonderful feeling of my teeth chattering in the cold. Whatever it is, I could be up in the air forever, living on only hope and the feelings of trust in the ride, and myself. I just have to do that. Trust.
Yesterday I met an author. She had stiff white hair in a funky pixie and warm pink lipstick and a kind smile. I was telling her about how much I wanted to write books, and she looked me right in the eye and said, "Well, I love writing, but the only negative is that you can't retire." And she laughed, leaving me puzzled.
Well now I get it.
She meant that she loves writing so much, and it's totally addicting. I want to feel that way someday when I'm older, too.
Q: Why are oldies songs only and always about love? Can someone please answer???!
Guess I had something to say today :)

Friday, October 22, 2010

Meeting Up Again

I used to have this friend.
She used to have this wide grin that took up her whole face.
She moved awhile back
and our friendship shifted to the backburner.
Well, now she's back.
And now I'm stuck.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


My cousin has this tire swing. It's a worn-down black rubber tire so thin from years of tugging and hanging onto. Since it's been up for more than ten years, the tree branch that it's tied onto is kinda crooked and bent, hanging over us lifelessly. We used to twist it up till the rope was all bunched up, and then one of us would jump on it while the rope untwisted at what seemed like a hundred miles an hour. My cousin and I were best friends. She used to have this curly hair that was always wild and unkept, and she was always stringbean-thin, yet Coke was her heroine (and still is). But now, we don't even talk.My cousin, to say the least, got caught up with a bad crowd. We don't even say "hi" much when our families get together at Christmas. Mostly, because we're totally different. And now I feel so much younger, even while she's really younger than I am. But she doesn't even know that I miss her, and love her. I don't want to see my cousin hurt herself like this, but I don't know what to do. I can't tell her what I think, because I haven't seen her since spring, and she avoids all eye contact with me. I may say that's fine with me, but here I am, still young and innocent, left behind, rocking back and fourth on that tire swing still.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Chex Mix and Pies

There's just something about that March that was so amazing. Was it the fact that I was carefree and just so bold? Or was it because I met two of the most incredible people out there, looking in at their worlds? Maybe it was because I didn't know things were gonna be amazing. Maybe it was the chilly air. Or the smell of his hair. Or my sneakers that I adored and yeah, ruined from wearing so much. I don't know. But I do know this: I can't stop thinking about that winter.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Come On

To You,
I don't want to be judged. Well, I guess I do. Judge me head-on. Let me scare you with what I'm capable of, what I know that you think I don't. Let me show you what I know, let me take your hand and let you escape into my world with me. Come on.
Is it that I'm different than the kind of girl you're used to? You know what girls I'm talking about, the ones that let you talk about other girls in front of them, and let you slip a hand around her waist, such an easy guesture. I don't hate them for being the way they are. But guess what? I'm just not one of those girls. So why are you trying to make me become one?
Or wait. Does it scare you that I'm so sure about myself? Maybe you've just never met a girl willing to turn your world upside down, not the other way around (cliche).
Welcome to my world.
P.S. Sorry for not posting my artowork like I said I would. My computer's acting funky on me at the moment.

Sunday, October 10, 2010


To me, painting and art in general is another world for me to explore, to touch and make my own. I love just sitting around, the radio blasting in the background (for some reason when I draw, only tropical-y music is good. Or some classic rock), I feel nothing except my fingers warming up under the pressure against the paper. I don't feel worried. My brain's not going at a hundred miles an hour. All I care about is what I'm drawing or painting. I love the rich smell of the oil paints on my pallet and the presise line an ebony pencil can make. If I didn't have any love or skill to write, I think I would marry a paintbrush. Or even a pencil. I think that when you love something that much, that you'd be willing to do whatever it is for four hours straight, it has to be a good thing.

Friday, October 8, 2010

A Telephone Invasion

Sorry I'm not home right now
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So leave a message
And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back

Now its gone too deep
You wake me up in my sleep
My dreams become nightmares
'Cause you're ringing in my ears...

...Communication, a telephone invasion
I'm planning my escape...

I love the song Spiderwebs by No Doubt. To me, it has a somewhat spooky feel to it at one point in the song, and the rest is kinda girly. It's funny, because I usually like guy bands like Nirvana and stuff like that, but I just fell in love with this song. I haven't heard it in awhile, so when it started playing last week on the radio, I was just so happy to hear it. It's been stuck in my head ever since. Its just been ringing in my ears.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Sometimes, putting things into lists always make me feel better, knowing that everything's organized and well thought out. Even while life's well, a beautiful mess, it sometimes makes me feel better to pretend that things are organized. What I want in a friend:
1. Someone I can cry my hearts out to, and not expect them to say anything, instead only nod and hug me back.
2. To laugh with her so hard I can't breathe.
3. Someone who is okay with silence sometimes.
4. Someone who's not a mean girl.
5. Somebody who doesn't judge by appearence.
6. A girl who I can spill everything to.
7. The kind of girl that'd rock their Converses with me at prom, even in our girly girl dresses.
8. Someone who considers sarcasm another language that they're fluent in (just like me :)).
9. Who's not a cookie-cutter type of girl- and is okay with that.
10. Someone who loves to take walks and talk on the trampoline.
11. The kind of girl that makes time fly.
12. A girl who's a girl-version of Ducky from Pretty in Pink.
What I want in a guy:
1. Someone who's also my friend.
2. The kind of guy that'll give me his sweatshirt to wear.
3. The kind of guy who knows that he's not my number one priority, and I have a life besides him (doesn't that sound harsh? Whoops...).
4. He's not going to be mean to my friends and other people.
5. A guy who doesn't care about my looks, and will offer me an Oatmeal Cream Pie, even while other guys won't feed it to their girlfriends cause it's "fatening". Yeah, see how that goes.
6. Not to care about physical looks, but I would love to have a dark-haired boyfriend with pale eyes.
7. Someone that will treat me like a friend, not just a girl. You know what I mean.
What I want on my bucket list:
1. Color my hair purple or anything else colorful.
2. Travel Europe. Didn't see that coming, huh?...
3. Publish a novel.
4. Create my own line of clothing.
5. Meet someone worth remembering.
6. Hug Billie Joe (slim chance of this one. Like, .00001%)
7. Own a house on the ocean with a cat as my companion.
8. Own a bunny.
9. Eat a whole pack of bubble tape in one sitting. I've wanted to do this since I was seven :D
10. Marry my best friend... when I find him.
11. Knit a bag.
12. Design my dream house.
13. and whatever else comes my way

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Paper-thin Communication

Some say the walls between earth and the other side or elsewhere or whatever you call it become so thin that the two different worlds sometimes morph together into one. This is where the ghost stories come from. Its always sounded so amazingly chilling to me, and it always makes me excited. Forget Christmas. I absolutely love Halloween.I love all the rituals there is with it. Eating candycorn. Apple-picking. Carving jack-o-lanterns, your fingers squishing together in the goop while trying to pull out the flesh and slimy seeds (sorry for the morbid-sounding visual). Spraying your hair with strong-smelling temporary hair dye. But my favorite part is the fact that people say that during this time of year, communication between ghosts and humans is paper-thin. You can believe what you want about this (kinda controversial) subject. This is just what floats my boat.
To me, blood and gore is not what Halloween was intended for. It's about your relatives that have died, and about honorng them.
Anyway, I was tagged by the inspiring Francesca (Pigs Flying). I just need to fill in Cassie's Therapy Video. But you know what? I want to twist the tag around a bit, make it my own.
I've always seen her therapy video as, well, kinda depressing. Why state all the happy things that make you smile first, then the sad stuff? Soo, why not put the hateful stuff first (to get it over with), then the happy stuff. A lovely little happy ending. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to mess with a tag, but I cannot resist. So, on my own, here we go:
I hate this, wow...Sorry.
I hate girls who think they're better than everyone else.
I hate steak. Period.
I hate humidity.
I hate seeing people lie to my face.
I hate seeing someone with a good heart cry because someone hurt them in the end.
I hate the saying "Children should be seen, but not heard".
I hate M.C. but in a way I like her, because she teaches my how NOT to act.
I hate country music.
I hate getting so angry that I start sweating (this really happens to me).
In some ways, I hate everything. It's less, it's less of a thing to hate, it's less distinct, it's less particular. I hate things that I hate, but I like everything. There's more choice in like cos even the worst things have things you like in them, I don't know what you mean about things I like.
I like boys with a heart and girls who rock out to guy music and wear oversized hoodies.
I like art classes.
I like blasting music when nobody is home.
I like sniffing candles one after another in the store.
I like John Hughes movies.
I like eyeliner and teased hair.
I like yard sales.
I like the feeling of butterflies whenever I see him.
I like rainy days.
I like getting inspired so much that I start smiling uncontrollably.
I like the smell of leaves.
I like family get-togethers, even when I claim not to.
I love spiderwebs.
Today I did what I felt like doing.
Acabadabra, wow!
I just think ending on a happy note is always great. What can I say? I'm a sucker for happy endings :)
Those tagged are... Steph (1001 ways to be more lovely) because her posts are oh-so lovely!, Reina (the splendor she spills) because her pictures are so inspiring and amazing, and Taylor (Blank Memories) because she's an incredible writer.
You can choose to do the tag the regular way, or my way.
...You choose :)