All High Cheekbones

Simple sweetness to his face,
all high cheekbones and innocent eyes,
the way his bangs fall clashing with his eyelashes,
allows my heavy heart to subside; and now, it dries.

Undiscovered Paradise

I'm the type of person who analyzes everything. People's expressions, the weather and how it makes me feel, art, music, everything. It's just who I am, and I've always been this way. Sometimes my mom will just look at me when I'm thinking out loud and say, "Why don't you just try to stop thinking so much?"
Why?
Because I love thinking about everything and everything. My mind races until I hit the pillow, and as soon as I wake up, it starts all over again. I can't help it. I love analyzing my life, and no it's not wasting it, because I'm loving every thoughtful moment of it. Analyzing is what makes me write, and I am so thankful. (Thank you, mind.)
So, today as usual, I was thinking. I was thinkingb about the fact that I would be driving soon (don't want to) and what my car would look like...
My car would be little and the backseat would be cluttered with pens, charcoal in boxes, paper, and lots of books, some dog-ear folded, others folded over. There'd be notebooks and CD's in the back, too. A miniature dream catcher would be hanging from the mirror, just because I think a) they look cool and b) I'm into that hippy-herb-smelling kind of stuff :) I'd have a small pillow in there for my back, because I slouch, and it just might make me feel a little warmer too. I'm the kind of girl that hates AC, and prefers to have the windows all the way down, the girl that drives around just because, finding small untraveled roads for fun (obsessed!), the one who immediatlely turns on her radio as soon as I'm in reach of it (kinda like Owen from Just Listen, only less angry). Music is comforting, sometimes better than talking, and for some reason, I always get some sort of inspiration or motivation out of it. (Do you?)
This picture below says everything about me. I'd rather be on a skateboard (without smashing my face, which is gonna be hard for me) or bike any day, but it's also pretty fun to be able to leave any situation you want, and enter into another one entirely. Hello, paradise...

Music

This picture is the kind of thing I'd dream about. I love it.

I like music that's achingly beautiful and rock music. Any suggestions? (P.S. I am a Led Zeppelin, Cranberries, and Green Day fan, in case you haven't noticed already.) My hands ride across the keys, my mind accelerating, lips formed into a perfectly curled smile. Writing is love.

I turn around and he's standing in the middle of the hall, smiling at me, but I can't think of anything to say. We stay like that for a minute until he inclines his head and goes where he's going and I'm alone, like I've wanted forever, except that's not really true because mom's waiting for me outside and there's a shrink waiting for me in the city and there's nothing I can do about the past.
- Parker in Cracked Up to Be by Courtney Summers, p. 214

Guess I've waited too long for me to allow you to come up and sweep me into your arms like you always said you wanted to, huh? You used to let me wear your sweatshirt over my own in the rain, even when all you had underneath was a tee shirt. You let me keep your gloves, which I still sometimes drag out from the basement where we keep the winter stuff and press my nose to them, making me feel things again like I used to. I can still feel your hands around my waist as we moved around the yard dancing like complete idiots together in the freezing cold, my teeth chattering in happiness. I remember walking through the woods, even when my mom had no clue where I was. I remember whenever I was sad, you'd crouch down next to me and lean into my face, whispering something totally stupid into my ear that would make me crack up laughing. I remember the conversations in my front yard after school that were endless and the words would roll off my tongue with ease. I still know the nickname you gave me, even when you think I don't. I remember all those times you asked me out, and even while I was screaming yes inside, I'd always say no.
Why why why why why why why not?
You're the only guy that's ever given me the time of day, and now I don't even trust my girlfriends to tell my secrets to.
I miss you so much, trying to be content with the memories of when I was truly, fully happy.

I'm Okay

I got tagged by Amy (A Tree Grows) to do a four things activity. Okay, here goes nothing...

Four Things in My Bag:

1. Purple and black pens

2. Stretchy book covers with tons of holes in them

3. Lavender lotion

4. Burts Beeswax chapstick

Four Things in My Purse:

Actually, I don't have a purse.

Four Things in My Room:

1. Old porcelean dolls in my closet

2. My laptop

3. Nail polish

4. Cutout drawings that I've been making faster than my brain can think of them :)

Four Things I've Always Wanted to Do:

1. Write and publish a book

2. Raid a yardsale of all the good stuff

3. Travel to Europe (typical, yes)

4. Take a midnight walk that only I would ever know about

Four Things I'm Currently Into:

1. Painting and cutouts, since I'm an art junkie at heart

2. Flats

3. Peanut butter

4. Living in the moment so I can stop thinking so much!

Four Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Me:

1. I hate movies

2. I can't think of anything else!
Four Songs I Can't Get Out of My Head:

1. Welcome to Paradise by Green Day

2. Paparattzi (and I don't even like the song) by Lady Gaga

3. I don't know the name of the song, but it goes, "Dream, dream, dream, dream!"

4. Spiderwebs by No Doubt

I'm tagging Joy (Life of Joy.), audrey. (emotions explode), and xoxo, Hannah (Perfection.). Sorry, I don't know how to add a link with people's names, so I have to do it by their blog titles. Since I don't really have much else to say, I'll post some pictures that I love:

I love the flats and legwarmers combo. Maybe I'll try that this year... are legwarmers considered tacky or slightly vintage? Does anyone know?

This picture inspires me to write something, anything that has some meaning and depth. So maybe I will...

My puzzle may be scattered everywhere, stray pieces attempting to find their way again, but I've decided that it's okay. I'm okay. I've been trying so long to put together myself, the stew of my puzzle, but now I've realized that I am never going to be complete, perfectly knowing all, because life is always throwing something at me, just another piece to my flawlessly chaotic jigsaw puzzle pile. Instead of trying to pick up the pieces and go home, I'm letting them lie there, gathering dust so I can get a better look at things and examine them, looking at them in ways I never imagined real. I guess this is me being me, changing a little everyday, always becoming something different.

And it's all going to be okay.

...Well, I guess I really did have something to say, huh?

Move, Move, MOVE

That's what I keep telling myself. But I just cannot move. I stare down at my tiny legs, and say to myself, Just get up. Move. Move. MOVE. But I can't.
I haven't always been like this. I used to crave the burning feeling I got in my legs running or pushing myself up a steep hill on my bike. And I still do. I just can't.
It's not that easy to explain, simply spelled out. My mom says it's normal, my brother says it's lazy. But I think it's something else.
Everywhere I go, I feel as if the ground is trying to suck me into the gravel and devower (I didn't spell that right) me whole on the spot. I feel gray. But gray isn't always the same for all people. So I'll tell you what "gray" is to me. It's tired. I'm always tired, as if just keeping my eyes open is too much. I want to get better. I really do.
I blame it on school. I hate school. But I know I'll miss it. Why does that always happen to me?
Sorry for this post. I'm confused now.