Monday, August 2, 2010

It's So She Can Fly

I need to do something. I need to do something out of the ordinary. Something unlike me, or maybe, even something true to me instead of what I've been doing, which is nothing. I've been hiding, I've been crying, I haven't been living. I've been a pathetic mumbling mess complaining about the crap in my head even when my life is fine.
I want to take a midnight walk in the woods by myself and stare up at the wickedly ghostly trees overhead.
I want to do nothing but work outside for a whole day, and get that achy feeling at the end of it all, smiling to myself.
I want to take a risk.
I want clockwork to stop controlling me! Just because summer's gonna end, doesn't mean that all hope has to, too.
I want to smile and laugh and stop posting despressing posts.

I want to live.

Everyone sets these plans for themselves at the beginning of the summer, a list of what they want to accomplish and get done or start, and most of it never happens the way things were intended to. Plans change, people change. I'd say that I've changed in a way over the summer. I know I have, yet I still can't identify a specific day or week when it all changed. But I know I did.
I'm a work in progress. We all are, and always will be.

"I don't get it", Caroline said, bemused. "She's the only one with wings. Why is that?" There were so many questions in life. You couldn't ever have all the answers. But I knew this one. "It's so she can fly", I said. And then I started to run." ~ Macy in The Truth About Forever, p. 368


  1. You sure think a lot about your life, which is quite interesting in a way :)
    In summer, when there's no school and hobbies, I feel like this to sometimes

  2. I understand exactly how you feel. I want to do something, but I have no inspiration. I guess I'll just have to push myself?

  3. I'm actually the opposite, which sucks in my opinion. Maybe you should try cliff-diving, that brings a great thrill.

  4. This was...amazing. I think everyones been in that state at least once. Jade you have to do what YOU want to do. This is your life and no one should tell you how to live it but yourself and your heart. BTW I loved the part you wrote from the truth about forever, it was beautiful such an amazing book =) Lots of love! <3

  5. I feel the same way I really want to do something but i dont have the courage or dedication or movitivation to do it or i do but i never do does that make sense? Good Luck to all of us!